Susana
Melina is bipolar. She's also one of The Posse. Her bipolar disorder could be the mood swings I have from the inside. Emily acts out through self soothing. Lauren wants to be back on the opera stage. Nikki would like a host break and time to herself. And the guys desire a break from being cops. Meeting all of their needs is challenging but art helps.
I'm really trying to reach out and connect with people.
I'm really trying to reach out and connect with people.
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Tena's Tribute
Miss Mason may have died 12 years ago but her story, her courage, her strength and her spirit continues to help those who were abused. She continues to give strength to those who felt they could not go on (like I was). People have asked me why I believe in God. If God was so loving how could He let children be abused or killed. I have learned through my Bible studies that God hates it when horrible things happen to His children but at this point He can not do anything about it because of free will. He gave each of us free will. We could freely obey Him or we could obey evil. He doesn't want a robot for a child. He wants us to come to Him because we love Him; because we know He loves us. Unfortunately there are those who obey evil and when that person gives themselves over to evil sometimes those who are close to them are hurt. Just as Miss Mason's Mom surrendered to the demons in her head, Miss Mason paid the price. But I also find that when a person endures such horrific abuse from a loved one God gives them His strength to get through the hell they go through. He cries with them. He holds them. He gives them the strength and courage to live so they can help others in the future. Miss Mason went through a horrible childhood and she struggled to become whole as a young adult. But because of her faith in God and because she drew upon His strength, she did become whole and was able to help others in ways she probably never could imagine. Even to this day she has helped others. She really helped me when I was going through the abuse by my dad. Then in later years the abuse my 1st husband inflicted on me. Her life was etched into my soul. I knew God would give me the strength I needed to get through the abuse. He helped her. He gave her strength and I knew He would give me the strength I needed to eventually become whole.
A NOTE FROM ROSE
The big thing I do know is this is NOT therapy induced, I have just finally been given the permission to be who I really am inside, this did not happen because of therapy. I was always like this. I know that and my life finally makes sense, I can finally make sense of the confusion inside. All inside were trapped and came out at different times over the years that I am aware of. I just thought I had not grown up properly, I am co-conscious, the wants and needs and thoughts they have always been there. I just kept it quiet, it was my/our inside secret.
The only thing I see different for me/us inside is that now each one has a name, before therapy they were still there and I was aware of it at the age of about 7; that I had someone little inside screaming to get out. The only reason I didn't feel separate was because each one feels individual at the time and were also not aware of each other, they are now. I just didn't know how to let that happen or felt allowed to be at all. A lot of weird stuff happened and I don't mean the abuse, I mean things I remember doing that is coming back now as each one remembers their bit, feeling jammed up in the corner of the ceiling, weird body sensations, scattered thoughts, inside on going tug o wars where different ones have completely different ideas, losing time, day to day fears, not feeling safe, not knowing what is going on, not being able to spell or speak or read even though I have awritten a book and am writing another, and not being able to understand what I have written when I read back over it, not understanding something one day that I could the day before, never feeling adult, not wanting to grow up, afraid to grow up...etc. Unless you have lived this way of course it is difficult to understand. But who understands an epileptics life, what it really feels like, the day to day stuff, or someone with lupus,,,etc...how can people judge and decide this is how it should be??
Rose...(Pippa, Jess, Charlie, Emily, Sam, Sunny, Lil and Georgia)
The only thing I see different for me/us inside is that now each one has a name, before therapy they were still there and I was aware of it at the age of about 7; that I had someone little inside screaming to get out. The only reason I didn't feel separate was because each one feels individual at the time and were also not aware of each other, they are now. I just didn't know how to let that happen or felt allowed to be at all. A lot of weird stuff happened and I don't mean the abuse, I mean things I remember doing that is coming back now as each one remembers their bit, feeling jammed up in the corner of the ceiling, weird body sensations, scattered thoughts, inside on going tug o wars where different ones have completely different ideas, losing time, day to day fears, not feeling safe, not knowing what is going on, not being able to spell or speak or read even though I have awritten a book and am writing another, and not being able to understand what I have written when I read back over it, not understanding something one day that I could the day before, never feeling adult, not wanting to grow up, afraid to grow up...etc. Unless you have lived this way of course it is difficult to understand. But who understands an epileptics life, what it really feels like, the day to day stuff, or someone with lupus,,,etc...how can people judge and decide this is how it should be??
Rose...(Pippa, Jess, Charlie, Emily, Sam, Sunny, Lil and Georgia)
Lil Rose and Rose Art
The drawings below are the drawings of Lil Rose and Rose as we found each other.
Safe Place and Stove Light belong to Rose; the others to Lil Rose.
Copyright, All rights reserved to Lil Rose and Rose
Safe Place and Stove Light belong to Rose; the others to Lil Rose.
Copyright, All rights reserved to Lil Rose and Rose
Stuck
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Secret Mummy
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Stuck in the Muddle Mess
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Stove Light
Stove Light is one of my memories, still very clear, of sitting for what seemed like hours in front of the stove. There was a red stove light and I can still see the old lady and man who lived in there. I am co-conscious and when the light was on, they were home; when it was off they were asleep.
Mary
Red, molten doubts
flowing with the orange of terror
run down her face and shine through
her eyes. She is the last one to hope
andt the first to feel she shouldn't.
She can still dare to do it.
If only just for today and tomorrow
and many of the tomorrows to come.
Blue water can follow,
washing the red and orange heat.
Blue as a deep lagoon,
cooling and healing...
Copyright, All rights reserved to Mary
flowing with the orange of terror
run down her face and shine through
her eyes. She is the last one to hope
andt the first to feel she shouldn't.
She can still dare to do it.
If only just for today and tomorrow
and many of the tomorrows to come.
Blue water can follow,
washing the red and orange heat.
Blue as a deep lagoon,
cooling and healing...
Copyright, All rights reserved to Mary